Ok, here it is. Challenge accepted. We already have three reformed and recovering Ex Husbands with nightmare ex spouses. But for the uninitiated, I'll start. Just to repeat some things I've said before. My ex makes Manson seem sane. Think I'm exagerating? What would be your opinion of someone who attempts to open the door of a car going down the freeway at 75, at night, and jump out. Not the behavior of someone who's eggs haven't been a little (or a lot ) scrambled. Just thinking about some of it is now both comical, curious, and still traumatic. At least the nightmares are becoming fewer and very far between. But man, are they scary real!
My (Evil) EX!
MagVic CCT
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Thanks for the info, Mountainrider, but pics of my ex did not survive the divorce! And free wings are not incentive enough for me to track her down to take another....
BOARHUNTER
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8,220 Posts
I never went in thinking that it would end in divorce.
I was positive it wouldn't. We even waited nine years after getting married to have kids just so we knew we could afford them and provide them with a good home.
The game is simple. It takes two to marry, and one to divorce.
The consequences of divorce to a man can mean your eating beans out of the can or possibly moving in to your friends or parents house for awhile especially if you've had children. The kids are the best thing you can leave in this world, but having some other dude raising them is rough. Having multiple dudes raise them is worse. Add up 2 days every other week for a few years and that's the number of days you may be spending with your kids for their entire childhood.
Be sure if you get married. Be so sure that you're willing to go through all that and possibly worse if it doesn't work out.
I was positive it wouldn't. We even waited nine years after getting married to have kids just so we knew we could afford them and provide them with a good home.
The game is simple. It takes two to marry, and one to divorce.
The consequences of divorce to a man can mean your eating beans out of the can or possibly moving in to your friends or parents house for awhile especially if you've had children. The kids are the best thing you can leave in this world, but having some other dude raising them is rough. Having multiple dudes raise them is worse. Add up 2 days every other week for a few years and that's the number of days you may be spending with your kids for their entire childhood.
Be sure if you get married. Be so sure that you're willing to go through all that and possibly worse if it doesn't work out.
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Hey, BD. I hear ya. I know I would have liked to been with the same one for a lifetime, and I'm sure the other's here feel the same way, but, I am where I am now and I'll tell you, it's true that God can restore the years that the locust have eaten. Nine years with my Kelli has been better than any one year previously. And, if we should make it we could wind up with twenty five years. I'll take it. Living well is it's own rewards and one hell of a payback. I agree about the equal thing. There's some very good advice about that. It goes, "be not unequally yoked". Find the one and what you percieve as a loss will very quickly turn into a win. Nice hearing from you.
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What's that saying, "I keep missing my ex, but with the practice, my aim IS getting better." Don't think I have any photos left either. That would be kind of like saving pictures of your hemmorroid surgery. WHY!? :fie:
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110 Posts
I certainly can't compete with many of these stories. I'm almost 40 now and I've never been married and have no kids. I have a big house and 3 motorcycles. But I have stories....
I dated a great girl for years after college but I broke up with her because I knew she wasn't right for me. Then I dated an alcoholic for 3mo and ended up having to call the police a couple times after I broke up with her and she started stalking/harassing me.
Then dated a woman for a couple years that fought with me far too often so I broke up with her (we're friends now and afterwards she apologized for the way she was and said her moods stabilized after she came off birth control).
Then dated a woman I was sure was "the one". She dated me soon after getting out of a abusive marriage. We dated for almost 2yrs and had a great time but in the end she was nervous about being married again because her past would haunt her so she broke up with me twice each time we got close to living together. Her father told me about some of the bad stuff her ex did that I didn't know about so I get her mentality. In the end she needed to be single a bit longer. Nice girl and we keep many common friends.
After her I was pretty broken hearted but met a woman as adventurous as I am soon after the breakup. We started fighting within the first month and the fights got worse. My still broken heart made me stay and I moved in with her and sold my house. She was a very mean, controlling woman. She would go through my phone when I wasn't looking, question me about everything, made me give up all my female friends, verbally abused me and would throw things at me and pushed me on many occasions. I put up with it for a bout two years. After a year I grabbed my personal things and moved out one day when she went to work (I had no choice, it was that bad). She tracked me down after two days and begged me to try couples counselling and I agreed as she said she knew she needed to change (stupid me). She showed up at counselling the mean controlling person she always was and the counseller saw how bad she was and said we weren't ready for counselling. I stuck with her for about another 8mo and then had enough and said no more.
Dated a few great girls after that although they didn't end up being te right fit longterm they really turned me back into the fun, smiling, adrenaline junky, no-drama person I had once been and I'm good friends with them still.
Since the crazy ex I've only been single for about 4 days in total but I've been with my current gf for 18months now. She's a gem and an amazing person. She's a brainiac but very fun. She's beautiful inside and out and is the most caring person I've ever met (second only to my mom). She doesn't take me for granted and doesn't try to control me. She has great parents and treats me like her mom treats her dad (she's very traditional and British). My parents and friends all love her. I've started ring shopping for the first time in my life.
I dated a great girl for years after college but I broke up with her because I knew she wasn't right for me. Then I dated an alcoholic for 3mo and ended up having to call the police a couple times after I broke up with her and she started stalking/harassing me.
Then dated a woman for a couple years that fought with me far too often so I broke up with her (we're friends now and afterwards she apologized for the way she was and said her moods stabilized after she came off birth control).
Then dated a woman I was sure was "the one". She dated me soon after getting out of a abusive marriage. We dated for almost 2yrs and had a great time but in the end she was nervous about being married again because her past would haunt her so she broke up with me twice each time we got close to living together. Her father told me about some of the bad stuff her ex did that I didn't know about so I get her mentality. In the end she needed to be single a bit longer. Nice girl and we keep many common friends.
After her I was pretty broken hearted but met a woman as adventurous as I am soon after the breakup. We started fighting within the first month and the fights got worse. My still broken heart made me stay and I moved in with her and sold my house. She was a very mean, controlling woman. She would go through my phone when I wasn't looking, question me about everything, made me give up all my female friends, verbally abused me and would throw things at me and pushed me on many occasions. I put up with it for a bout two years. After a year I grabbed my personal things and moved out one day when she went to work (I had no choice, it was that bad). She tracked me down after two days and begged me to try couples counselling and I agreed as she said she knew she needed to change (stupid me). She showed up at counselling the mean controlling person she always was and the counseller saw how bad she was and said we weren't ready for counselling. I stuck with her for about another 8mo and then had enough and said no more.
Dated a few great girls after that although they didn't end up being te right fit longterm they really turned me back into the fun, smiling, adrenaline junky, no-drama person I had once been and I'm good friends with them still.
Since the crazy ex I've only been single for about 4 days in total but I've been with my current gf for 18months now. She's a gem and an amazing person. She's a brainiac but very fun. She's beautiful inside and out and is the most caring person I've ever met (second only to my mom). She doesn't take me for granted and doesn't try to control me. She has great parents and treats me like her mom treats her dad (she's very traditional and British). My parents and friends all love her. I've started ring shopping for the first time in my life.
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. that's good news hardworker , we all deserve a good woman.
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Well, sounds like you are using the tools you have. Know what you want, AND what you don't want. Do not compromise! And take the time to really get to know each other. It's never perfect, but how, and how quickly you two work out the problems when they occur is key. Put and keep a power in your lives and between you that is much bigger than both of you.
Remember and remind each other, you are not the enemy, you are on the same side in the fight. Have goals for the direction of your lives together, but remind yourselves that you are also individuals. But as individuals, you still act and think as a unit for the sake of the relationship and it's growth. At fourty, and with you're experience, you are certainly no dummy. But, believe me when I say, 'Twenty more years will bring a LOT of learning and change in your thinking.' Go with it. It can be great. Don't be selfish, but don't allow each other to slip into dangerous behaviours. BE friends. Share, and listen daily. Love is action, and it is deliberate. Good stories. Sounds like you have learned a thing or two. Nothing better than a good woman, nothing worse than a bad one.
Remember and remind each other, you are not the enemy, you are on the same side in the fight. Have goals for the direction of your lives together, but remind yourselves that you are also individuals. But as individuals, you still act and think as a unit for the sake of the relationship and it's growth. At fourty, and with you're experience, you are certainly no dummy. But, believe me when I say, 'Twenty more years will bring a LOT of learning and change in your thinking.' Go with it. It can be great. Don't be selfish, but don't allow each other to slip into dangerous behaviours. BE friends. Share, and listen daily. Love is action, and it is deliberate. Good stories. Sounds like you have learned a thing or two. Nothing better than a good woman, nothing worse than a bad one.
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1,785 Posts
Congratulations Hardwrkr It sounds as though through your trials you have learned and lot and hopefully found the one. You have received some sound advise on relationships. You didn't mention if she enjoys a good ride ( on the Bike ). When shopping for the ring I have one bit of advise. The sales people are going to go on and on about quality and clarity. Nobody is going to pull out a loop and look at her ring but they sure will notice size. My sister helped me get my present wife's ring. Size matters and you can get a lot of ring for the money by NOT listening to the whole quality bit. Her ring is very eye catching to the point of 10 years later. Strangers walk up to her in the mall and ask to see it. Especially around the Christmas season. If she is the special girl you will want people to know she is and notice her. I don't know how well I got that across. The point I'm trying to make is you don't have to go broke to show your girl what she means to you.
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7,239 Posts
Nope, while I am happy for Hardworker and glad he found a decent woman, we do not ALL deserve a decent woman.
BUT, since I got one and married her I am keeping her!
When she is mowing the lawn and cleaning up dog mess and I am getting the bike ready for a solo ride, I am well aware I won, and did not get what I deserved. I once did get what I probably deserve and she was the nutter I described earlier.
So, I will do horrible things to keep her. Including,,,,,,and I'm ashamed to say this,,,,,,listen while she tells me about an interesting dream she had,,,,for 30 minutes.
AND, I never answer, " Because estrogen causes brain damage!" When she asks me what the dream meant,,,,,,,,,
Gentlemen, it's all about self sacrifice for me,,,,I'm a giver,,,,,
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You got some very sound advice there from catwrench about rings. Let me add to that and share my experience, if I may. I, probably like 'the cat', love to get all I can for my $$$$'s . Don't mind spending for a good cause, but hate to waste. Any way, I found a nice, sort of a one off pawn shop that had been around for a long time. They handled some very nice stuff and had a jeweler on staff (I believe he may be part owner, as well). I spent some time and got to know him and some things about their operation. He was set up to do just about anything with jewelry so I talked with him about building a ring. They had a lot of settings to choose from that were already partially set up. I chose one I liked, it had some very nice baggetts and was 18K with a great shape and overall design. Then I picked out the stone for the center setting separately and had them mount it. Great stone, trillion cut , about .65 -.7 and very good quality. All of this, plus building a ring for me with some diamonds and other rings I already had was about 2500.00. And that includes a 1 C round emerald I bought to go in the center of my ring.
You get to oversee the process and buying the raw components, then having them do the work in house saved. And the product is great.
You get to oversee the process and buying the raw components, then having them do the work in house saved. And the product is great.
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110 Posts
Thanks everyone. She doesn't have any bike experience but I took her out on the GSXR last year and she liked it. This year i was looking at adding a cruiser and had my budget at about half of what I spent on the Magnum but when i got offered a good deal on it she said "I think you should go ahead and get it. You deserve it". She's looking forward to going for rides with me on it.
Regarding rings, we've looked together. A 1ct looks best on her. I said she could go bigger but she didn't want it. I let her know my budget was 10k and she went out alone and found two identical rings with the difference being unnoticeable quality. She opted for the cheaper one because the difference wasn't worth it and she got the price down from 9k to 6k. She told me she would be happy with anything but I know every woman has thought about what ring they want. I've found another jeweler by recommendation and my friend was confident the price would be lower for the same ring. Those are CDN prices of course and she didn't say anything when the ups guy dropped off 2k in new bike parts yesterday
Regarding rings, we've looked together. A 1ct looks best on her. I said she could go bigger but she didn't want it. I let her know my budget was 10k and she went out alone and found two identical rings with the difference being unnoticeable quality. She opted for the cheaper one because the difference wasn't worth it and she got the price down from 9k to 6k. She told me she would be happy with anything but I know every woman has thought about what ring they want. I've found another jeweler by recommendation and my friend was confident the price would be lower for the same ring. Those are CDN prices of course and she didn't say anything when the ups guy dropped off 2k in new bike parts yesterday
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1,702 Posts
Brothers I feel the pain and have the scares to prove it...
One of my of my favorite if not the greatest bands I listen to is the Black Label Society...
The lead singer Zakk Wylde is a one in a million....
Well cutting to the chase, there is a solo song he wrote called "The things you do "..
Have a listen brothers.....
He sums it up perfectly....
Friggrn love this guy....
YouTube the group and him brothers..
Best God damm music ever...
Get ready.......
One of my of my favorite if not the greatest bands I listen to is the Black Label Society...
The lead singer Zakk Wylde is a one in a million....
Well cutting to the chase, there is a solo song he wrote called "The things you do "..
Have a listen brothers.....
He sums it up perfectly....
Friggrn love this guy....
YouTube the group and him brothers..
Best God damm music ever...
Get ready.......
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19,818 Posts
Good one Brother Muzza, a couple faces come to mind...
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It's ok to share these experiences but never allow your ex to have free rent in your head. That being, it was a learning experience, don't let them eat you up inside.
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19,818 Posts
Trying to add to favs on AOL, like em... Thanks
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