Web Jokes... | Page 23 | Victory Motorcycles: Motorcycle Forums

Web Jokes...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Andy, Jun 19, 2008.

  1. crosscountryla

    crosscountryla Well-Known Member

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    Good one. lol
     
  2. crosscountryla

    crosscountryla Well-Known Member

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  3. crosscountryla

    crosscountryla Well-Known Member

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    Cowboy's Chili

    A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Saratoga, Wyoming. He sits at the
    counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly
    at a full bowl of chili.

    After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young
    cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, ‘If you ain’t gonna eat that,
    mind if I do?’ The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young
    wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, ‘Nah, you go ahead.

    ’Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to
    his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down
    to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was
    very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the
    bowl.

    The old cowboy quietly says, ‘Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.’
     
  4. wcato3

    wcato3 Well-Known Member

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    SENIOR DRIVER


    My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.


    He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.


    He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."


    "Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore.


    "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me andasked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it tohim. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license intopieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,
    'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him andleft!"
     
  5. S_Clause

    S_Clause Member

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    Keep Your Hands Off My PBR?
     
  6. wcato3

    wcato3 Well-Known Member

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    > The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
    > it won !!
    >
    > The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
    > that he entered it in the next race,
    > and it won that race too.
    >
    > The local paper read:
    > PASTOR'S
    > ASS OUT FRONT.
    >
    > The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
    > publicity that he ordered the
    > Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.
    >
    > The next day the local paper headline read:
    > “BISHOP
    > SCRATCHES
    > PASTOR'S
    > ASS”.
    >
    > This was too much for the Bishop, so he
    > ordered the Pastor to get
    > rid of the donkey.
    >
    > The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
    > nearby convent.
    >
    > The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
    > the following headline the next day:
    >
    > NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!
    >
    > The Bishop fainted ….
    >
    > He informed the Nun that she would have to
    > get rid of the donkey as soon as possible.
    >
    > So she sold it to a local farmer for $10.
    > The next day the paper read:
    >
    > “NUN
    > SELLS ASS FOR $10”.
    >
    > This was too much for the Bishop so he
    > ordered the Nun to buy back the
    > donkey, and take it to the plains
    > where it could run wild.
    >
    > The next day the headlines read:
    >
    > NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
    >
    > The Bishop was buried the next day.
    >
    > The moral of the story is .. . . being
    > concerned about public opinion can
    > bring you much grief and misery,
    > even shorten your life.
    > So be yourself and enjoy life.
    > Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
    > you'll be a lot happier
    > and live longer!
    >
     
  7. bikerdeano

    bikerdeano Well-Known Member

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    A mother and her young son were flying West Jet
    from Calgary to Toronto . The little boy had been looking out of the
    window. He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs,
    and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
    The mother couldn't think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight
    attendant. He went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big
    dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes
    have baby planes?"
    The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell
    you to ask me?"
    The boy replied, "Yes, she did."
    "Well then," said the flight attendant, "you go and tell your mother that
    there are no baby planes because West Jet always pulls out on time. Have
    your mother explain that to you."
     
  8. kychevyguy

    kychevyguy Member

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    A group of thieves stole Viagra from a pharmacy in Mayfield Heights police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals
     
  9. kychevyguy

    kychevyguy Member

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    Not sure what happened there...
     
  10. kychevyguy

    kychevyguy Member

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    Kentucky! LOL
     
  11. wcato3

    wcato3 Well-Known Member

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    DEATH OF THE OLD COW
    Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road and a car driving late at night hits it head on and the car comes to a stop.
    Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor cow--you were driving."
    So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it appeared to be very old.
    Well says Nancy, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

    Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.

    "My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy .

    The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."

    "What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy . "Well, I just knocked on the door..........and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."
     
  12. jughead

    jughead Member

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    The class assignment was for each student to tell the class what their father does for a living.

    Suzie gets up and tells everybody the her daddy is a dentist and helps everybody have a nice smile.

    Betsy gets up and tells everyone that her dad is a doctor and helps people feel better.

    Little Johnny gets up and tells the class that his father is a stripper at a gay bar and performs sex acts with men in the alley behind the club for extra money.

    The teacher freaks out, dismisses the class to recess, except for Johnny, and summons the school principle and counselor. She explains what had happened to them, and they approach Johnny with great concern about his home life and ask him how he feels about his family situation considering his father's profession.

    Johnny says, "Oh no, my father doesn't really do that for a living. He is a Harley salesman. I was just too embarrassed to tell everyone."
     
  13. bikerdeano

    bikerdeano Well-Known Member

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    Girl burying her goldfish
     
  14. bikerdeano

    bikerdeano Well-Known Member

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    One day a chicken and a horse were playing in the farmyard when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

    Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

    Off ran the chicken, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, the chicken searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor.

    Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping there was still time to save the horse's life.

    Back at the bog, the horse was surprised but happy to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

    After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

    Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

    The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.

    A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and as the chicken began to sink, the horse heard the cry, 'Save me!'

    The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

    Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift the chicken out of the pit.

    The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled up and out, saving the chicken's life.


    The moral of the story?(Yep. You betcha. There is a moral!)


    When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.
     
  15. EventHorizon

    EventHorizon Active Member

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    Not a joke but made me laugh out loud.

    Don't endorse it, but love it and probably would do the same.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh3d_Qo3jTI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
     
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