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Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.


Next,we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.


Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.



The next was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed.When the big moment arrived,the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet,moaning in pain all the way to the ER.



The next was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hear-me-roar. Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the hubby and thedoctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that's cute wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.


Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?



When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.


Sowe progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillow cases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.



Now,you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks ...


So,while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi atad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right.


Then we discovered we could ride motorcycles! And a Victory to boot!!

You guys may stand a chance after all!
 

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Wow! It sounds like someone is having a real bad day!?! Would it help if someone came over and washed the dishes and rubbed your feet? Maybe you should go shopping.

I hope you don't have the key to the gun locker.
 

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{ Looking up from TV} Sorry Syd did you say something ?
 

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I tell mine "I'm Sorry" every morning....Why do I do that...you may ask. Well...I am simply getting it out of the way cause I know I'm gonna do something that will either piss her off or set her off somewhere during the course of the day....LOL

Just kidding....she is my QUEEN!...my soul mate!....my hootchie momma..;))
 

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don't worry Sydney I saw the humor in everything you said, however the line from trekwolf looking up from the tv was funny as hell also
 

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Well of course we knew you were kidding.

But then again, any man that has been around as long as I (and others here) knows, when it comes to women, it is best to tread lightly. Kind of like the male black widow around the female. Don't assume too much or you can get divoured.
 

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I have hang nails, crooked teeth, bald head, short, fat, skin tags, flatulence, wrinkles, moles, and ear wax. Now one by one they don't sound like much. But you put it all together your life is a cake walk.
 
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